The 30 Day Blogging Challenge Day 25 – My Biggest Regret

My mom
My mom

My biggest regret is that I was a horrible child to my mother. If I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, I would go out of my way to treat her well. Instead, I felt insulted when she spent time with other people instead of me, and I acted out in all sorts of ways. I suspect that she was on the autism spectrum, as I am, and that she really didn’t have a clue how to be “motherly”.

She was a single mom, and worked full time – then spent a lot of her free time at church. Much of this was art-related: painting scenery for a play, designing bulletin covers, choir practice… but all I could see (and feel) was that it stood between her and me.

I longed for the “milk-and-cookies” mom who was always home and ready to listen, the 50s housewife mother that has become practically nonexistent in the 21st Century.

I was an only child, with no sisters, so I guess I wanted more of a “sisterly” relationship with my mother. I remember once telling her that I wanted her to be my friend, and she flatly stated, “I can’t be your friend. I’m your mother.”

My heart breaks when I think back on all of the missed opportunities, and missing or ruined memories of the time we could have spent together and didn’t do so, or DID spend time together but all we did was fight.

Mom, if you’re reading this from the other side, I truly am sorry. I wish I could have a do-over.

And I love you.

What about you? What is your biggest regret? Answer or link to your answer in the comments below!

That’s it for today, are you doing the 30 Day Blogging Challenge?